What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

What are some of your favorite hip hop lyrics?

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Did you ever receive genuine remarks from a medium regarding your deceased relative with information that the medium could never normally know?

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

TEXT:

What would be the lowest score with 9 strikes and no gutter balls?

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

Why are there so many illegal Haitians in Ohio? They can't walk here. Democrats flew them here to cause chaos and crime in Ohio.

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Is it possible for people who claim to be genuine and honest to actually not be? If so, why do they behave this way?

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Why am I so unproductive when it's a holiday the next day?

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Why doesn't speeding significantly decrease one’s commute time? I've done a lot of road trips and driving and have experimented by increasing speed by 10–20%, but somehow this never equates to arriving 20% sooner, even on clear roads.

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Make Nazis afraid again!

Do you think it is likely that Maegor was presented a young dragon at some point, almost to the point of full-bonding, only to scorn it for Balerion in the end? If so, which one could it have been?

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

What would it take for you to consider yourself a "Swiftie" like Flavor Flav?

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Can Donald Trump use the Alien Friends Act of 1798 to give ALL illegal immigrants an ultimatum: You have 1 month to leave America, after which you will be arrested and jailed for 3 years?

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

What happens when you have paranoid schizophrenia?

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.